how do I put my foot down?

ok so
yesterday MIL calls me while I am putting Gracie to sleep, first of all that is very inconciderate to do so as it disrupts me since hubby won't pick up the phone after 9pm unless it's my brother, LOL

anyhow, so she calls about taking Gracie to some circus and a possibility of it being a free ticket for her and Gracie. While I am thinking about it she says that I shouldn't take her to daycare so she doesn'tnn get sick. I mention that Gracie already has a runny nose so it won't chage anything. MIL says to me that I shouldn't take her to daycare. I say "Ok I won't", say bye and hang up the phone. The next minute MIL calls dh with a scandal. What ? you want to know? she starts yelling at him that we took her sick to some family on the weekend like that. Which we did but she wasn't sick. So he gets pissed at her and hangs up on her.

No that's not the end of it. She calls me, I don't pick up, she calls my mom, and complains to her that I am taking a sick child to daycare tomorrow and that I won't listen to her and that I should bring her to her for the weekend to go to the circus. My mom calls me right back and asks me what is going on and I get mad bu explain to her what is on my end.

WTF!!!!!!!!!!!! seriously? Didn't I just tell her I am not taking Gracie to daycare the next day? My word isn't enough?

So, I told dh that I won't take her as I told both parents, but I am not gonna keep Gracie home all day if I think she is fine. Also, as a punishment to MIL, I am not going to pick up my phone or talk to her until I feel like it. You are not gonna jump over my head and use my mom to manipulate me. No way! MIL does it all the time. This bothers me, but to my mom, it ruins her health, each nerve. She makes my mom act weird sometimes, because she knows my mom can be influenced and so can I.

So in an attempt to put my foot down I am not picking up my phone and I told so to dh and my mom.

any other suggestions? MIL is clearly trying to rule here. See , when everything is calm and fine, MIL creates problems, like she doesn't have any, because she is bored and has nothing better to do. If I stay quiet I get crapped on, if I speak up I get dh in hot water with me and his mom as he hates it when we argued.

Oh and he wanted to play at night and I didn't feel like it after being underminded about my own kid, so I said fine will have a few minutes just for you. But he got upset and argued for a minute and didn't get any. MIL doesn't see how she is ruining people's time. urgghhhh!!!!!! I want to put my foot down with out causing trouble between me and dh. He might be a momma's boy or might not but he will take my side. he doesn't think I can come up with a way to put my foot down.

So, I welcome suggestions so I can learn something from what you say and use some of it for the benefit of my own family.

The day my MIL asked me "Do you want this marriage to work?" I clearly and brutily explained to her that it was MY MARRIAGE and if she continued to put her nose where it didn't belong then NO it would not work. PERIOD. That was June 10, 2007; June 21, 2007 she had a stroke; too much stress. I tried to warn her stress will kill you. LOL She tried making it so that I was the bad guy and I would be the one beggin to be part of that family. She left crying not me. I had my belly full of the bull crap and let her know exactly how I felt about it.

My point is tell her to back off. Tell your husband he's got his choice you or his mother. As far as her telling you how to raise your child; I'd put her in her place quick!!!

so next time I am going to tell her that we are gonna discuss with dh what to do. If she keeps telling me what to do I'll explain to her that this is my child, my family and I am the mom who knows what is good or bad for my child. She will argue with me and give me attitude but that will be one of them.

please post more about how you would handle. I am not gonna make dh pick as I know he will pick me , no brainer here. He will do as I decide. He did however ask me not to bring Gracie to daycare because I said I won't. I will see what I'll do depending on how she is feeling when we leave the house.

We have a motto at our house.

To sick for school too sick for fun. If she is too sick to go to school she is too sick to go off playing with Grandma!!!! Give it right back to her.

Think of your family tree (using a tree to visualize) when your parents created you; they were the trunk of the tree, you were the seedling they planted inside; making your grandparents, aunts, uncles, etc. the branches. Now you are grown you've meet another seedling and pollinated into a seedling of your own, you are now the trunk of your own family tree making your parents, grans, aunts, uncles, even your siblings, BRANCHES on Gracie's tree. You and Alex are the FOUNDATION of her tree to make sure your seedling has proper care and maintenance so that she may grow into a strong trunk her self.

Make sense???? Keeping that mindset and remember that you must prone the tree to keep it beautiful; even if that means cutting some of the branches off!!!!!

I am late! I was going to use the tree proning also. My suggestion is tell her that you will handle it in your house and since she doesnt live there you will let her know the out come.

Thank you girls. well I took her to daycare because she wasn't sick, but for a few hrs since I had a few arrands to run. The next day we wenet to the Aquarium and I didn't bring her to the circus. so HUH! I did what I wanted to anyway.