how come she still doesn't get it, MIL

so,
Every stinking thanksgiving and new year it's the same crappy thing. So it's Thanksgiving time. I don't get to spend with my mom AGAIN!
ok so my mom's bday is today and my brother's is on Monday, so Thanksgiving day is the combination of both. DH's cousin has the same bday as my brother and also celebrates it every year on Thanksgiving and we attend. During the usual times we go there then at 9pm go to my mom where everyone is already done. So I don't get to celebrate my brother's and mom's bday.

This year I decided to put my foot down. His cousin is in no way more important than my mom and brother, Hello?!!! Normally we sleep over by my mom but this year DH doesn't want to, and I am fine with it. He wants to go home after everythign. So I thought that my mom is making her bday at the same time as they are and said to MIL firmly, "We are going to my mom first and then there. She was like "What? you are gonna do what? why?" , I answered to MIL "my mom is making a birthday and so is my brother, I have to give respect to her first and you should understand that", MIL " but you will come to his cousin at 9pm, how is that respectful to the family, and you are gonna be at your mom's for the whole weekend sleeping over" I said "no he doesn't want to sleep over this year ", MIL "sure he doesn't, something is fishy, I am sure he isn't the one who doesn't want to,", I answered "we are going to my mom's house first and that's it, my mom is more important" , MIL hung up on me.

I called my mom and my mom said she will move it to a lunch time so that we don't have a major havoc again. I called MIL and said to her I mixed up the times

I understand completely. Do yourself a favor and alternate holidays. Period. Or do like I did, piss the people off you don't want there and go about your business.

Well, there is a problem alternating the holidays. The major holidays we are usually invited to are Thanksgiving - i.e. birthday of my mom and brother vs. Dh's cousin. and New Year's party. We never attend the New Year's because Gracie is little and can't handle staying up late. If we don't attend the thanksgiving/birthday on either side will get eaten up alive. So alternating won't help. Guess what, my mom is called SELFISH for wanting me, her daughter at her birthday. The other side won't budge either for the Thanksgiving and thinks they are more important. My mom and brother always have to plan out different from them the time of day.

This year I wanted to stand my ground and just complained to my mom, yet all she did was subside and made the party earlier. His family has their values screwed up, or may be are playing dumb. All other times of the year we are fine, yet when it come to this time of year it's horrible. It's the craziest months of the year, Nov-Jan, urgghhhh!!!!!!!!!!! although it has been solved this year, I am still ready to pull my hair out. I admit, I do have way more fun at their party than I do at my mom's but I still want to be at her bday party and never get to stay with my side of the family and aunt /my cousins. aaahhh!!!!!

I have the same battle. Only I do all the cooking, so I get his parents first and then my Mom and frankly that PISSES ME OFF!!! Hell, I can't even have Alexys bday party just once. I understand trust me. And until you say NO MORE it'll continue.

It seriously took me pissing his family off to get them to decline my invite this year.

I don't know what to do anymore. My mom moved her bday to 12 , lunch time because of me. We are going to be at my mom's my aunt is coming by 3pm, we leave around 4pm to his cousin. My brother is pissed at me because I have "chosen" the cousin over him. Chosen, funny word, it has been chosen for me. I wanted to piss everyone off, yet it never seems to work since my mom subsides. If I knew she will do that again this year I wouldn't have even told her about the almost fight I had with MIL. During the months of Nov-Jan are the months I want to live on the moon or Australia, whatever is closer.

I want to piss people off, as they always do that to my family. I have the guts but no one ever lets me.

wow i can't believe her, i just dont understand how she can be a mother and be like that!!!
(((hugs)))

Just remember "Don't do it the first time, unless you want to do it everytime!" I dont do what I dont want to do!!!!!

PUT YOUR FOOT DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!